How can we foster more of it?

One thing that became apparent when my parents’ house flooded last week was that climate change will drastically increase our need for community.

*I’m staying with the Pilsdon at Malling Community for two weeks.*

Right now climate change requires us all to pool our resources in order to halt it, but as planetary warming progresses it will require us more and more to pool our resources in order to cope with the impacts. We’ll need to know how to be there for each other when things get tough.

With that in mind, this week I joined the Pilsdon at Malling Community for a two week placement to learn more about fostering community well.

Pilsdon offers respite for people in crisis such addiction, homelessness, mental ill-health and relationship breakdown. The community is housed in a former monastery set in several acres of land where they grow and rear much of their own food.

So for my blog post this week I have interviewed the community leader, or ‘Guardian’, Viv, who has a wealth of wisdom and knowledge about community life. I’ve asked Viv five questions about how to foster healthy relationships, both within and outside of residential communities.

1. What draws you to community living?

Tim and I have been at Pilsdon for almost five years, but when we had a young family thirty years ago we also lived in community, so we came with our eyes open, knowing what living in community can be like and the challenges involved.

But really community life is about the belief that it is in giving to others that we receive. You don’t set out to do something for other people so that you’ll get something back, but it does just seems to happen that way.

*Already I have found that living in community helps us to see life more clearly because we are given a bigger perspective on our own lives.*

You are each working towards a common goal, so community life is about collaboration. It's not about competition and everyone is there to help each other. I think that’s a major difference from much of normal life, and it’s what’s so special about it.

At the previous community we lived at we were putting on retreats for people who were serving their own communities, and now at Pilsdon we work to provide a safe place for people in crisis. So it’s not just about living in community for our own sakes in some sort of happily ever after, but it’s also about doing something for people, and working towards those goals then also brings the community closer together.

Everyone’s good at different things, so you learn from each other, and you also learn a lot of new skills because you never know what’s going to come up!

If you’d have told me what I would be doing before I started I’d have never believed you- moving a dead sheep, renovation projects of grade two listed buildings, sending farm animals to slaughter … when you’re in community you never quite know what’s going to come up and you find that you’ll be stretched out of your comfort zone- it’s a very rich experience.

*The Pilsdon Community grows and rears much of it’s own food.*

2. In your experience, what are the essential pillars of helping a community to flourish?

Boundaries are essential. You have to have rules so that everybody knows where they are and what’s expected. The rules are there for the good of the whole community, so that no one person’s needs begin to dominate.

Sometimes it can be the simplest of things that can begin to corrode community life. A little while ago, for example, we introduced a rule that everyone has their own mug which they are responsible for clearing up. Previously people had been leaving their dirty mugs all over the place and as silly as it sounds, it was really starting to bother some of us.

So we brought that rule in- which was good for covid anyway- and now it’s not a problem. Simple boundaries like that help eliminate unnecessary frustrations because it’s often those really practical, unglamorous things that can niggle and get in the way of fulfilling community life.

We have all sorts of rules at Pilsdon. Everyone has to be at every meal, regardless of whether they want to eat or not, because we believe that sharing food together is a vital part of community life. We don’t allow any alcohol on site. We expect communal areas to be kept clean and orderly. Every person in the community is allocated work and they are expected to be faithful to that.

*Growing and eating food together is an essential part of community life at Pilsdon.*

The rules are there to help us know how to work towards our common goal and if someone can’t work within that framework then we do ask them to leave, but that only happens very occasionally.

Another vital part of healthy community living is communication, for people to be ‘in the know’. We have a morning meeting every day to make sure everyone knows what’s happening and why. That can prevent all sorts of problems further down the line.

A community also needs to have common activities like cooking, cleaning, eating, and that includes having some fun too. Every day we do a crossword together. It often gets us laughing, which is so important because laughter breaks down all sorts of barriers.

*Laughter is an important part of community life because it breaks down barriers.*

I’d say acceptance is also essential. If you want to live in community you’ve got to lose a critical spirit. We’re all in the process of learning to be more accepting of people, and living in community definitely accelerates that process.

When someone joins our community we hope our message to them is, ‘we welcome you, we accept you, you’re one of us’. We don’t try to change people. And it’s that which can help people to change- knowing that they are accepted just as they are.

Finally, I think every community needs a healthy dose of assurance, praise and appreciation. People need to know that their contribution is valued. It's not just the obvious things like cooking meals, but other things like cleaning the toilets or mowing the lawns.

Even if, for example, it’s that they had the courage to have a difficult conversation with someone. I try to say ‘well done’ because it’s risky to confront someone but things need airing so it’s important that they do.

*Community life is about cultivating greater acceptance and saying to people, ‘we welcome you, just as you are.’*

3. What’s most challenging about community living?

The hardest part of community living is when relationships go wrong. People are what matter the most, so it can be very uncomfortable when something isn’t working. Again, in those situations you have to ask yourself what is best for the good of the whole community.

I’ve made some tough decisions during my time as Guardian- turning people away, asking people to leave, having difficult conversations. But again that’s where it’s helpful to have people around you where you can go for advice and make decisions together.

Other peoples’ moods and bad habits can affect the atmosphere of the whole community too, but you have to find a way to get along anyway, and that’s where boundaries, communication and acceptance come into their own. You’re learning to bear with people and weather the storm together.

You learn a lot about yourself in community too because there’s no hiding from anything. When you come across something that’s a challenge you have to stop and ask yourself, ‘is there something in me that is making this difficult? Am I actually similar to this person and I don’t like what I’m seeing because of it?’

You can’t just hope problems will go away, you have to deal with them and that’s how you grow, and it’s how you help others grow too.

4. Pilsdon is set in several acres of land and the community grows much of it’s own food. Do you have any thoughts on how this contact with nature helps guests who are recovering from periods of mental ill-health?

Pilsdon’s setting means that there is the opportunity for us all to get a good amount of exercise and time in nature, both of which are proven to benefit mental health. But more than that, being in nature can bring a stillness and calmness because it engages our senses in a different way.

*This is Henrietta, Pilsdon’s rescue hen who survived a rat attack and now spends her time with the community in the main part of the communal area.*

We have lots of animals here too, and we build relationships with our non-human friends. It does something to you that the pigs are pleased to see you, or our rescue hen, Henrietta comes over for a stroke. And our guests get to experience the full circle of life- the birth and death and everything in between of our animals, which can be very helpful.

People often say it’s good to get out into nature, but it’s also about letting nature get into you. It changes you. But on a practical note, nature is also such a great talking point for the whole community. The weather, how the new-born lambs are doing, how many eggs the hens are laying, the smell of the blossom. Nature is always changing, so we’re never short of something to talk about and it means that we always have something in common, even though we’re all from such different walks of life.

5. Have you got any suggestions for how those who are not living in community can foster more of it?

Fostering community is really just caring about what’s going on for other people, and as I’ve said before, we can receive so much from doing that.

But it often needs a leader or two in order to get the ball rolling. It might be that you have an open house, maybe around Christmas time. You put some paper invites through your neighbour’s doors and see who turns up. Then you’re acting as a catalyst because your neighbours will start bumping into each other in the street and saying hello because they’ve met before, and from there relationships can grow.

It doesn’t matter what it is- a community garden where there’s a patch of neglected land, a litter pick, a lunch club, a street party for special occasions. It can start with just two of you and grow from there. People are so lonely these days and these kinds of things can help break down the barriers of ‘I don’t know these people.’

One thing leads to another, but you need someone to get things started.

**About Me**
I’m Jo, formerly the founder Director of national climate change charity, Hope for the Future. I am currently researching eco-anxiety and how we can build emotional resilience in our response to the climate emergency.

Welcome to Climate.Emergence- a place to emotionally process what on earth is happening to us and our planet.

On…Community #1